Italian Mafia Appreciation Tour

Join us starting on Thursday in Italy for my "Italian Mafia Appreciation Tour"

April 29th - Naples
April 30th - Rome
May 1st - Rome
May 3rd - Ortona
May 4th - Termoli
May 5th - Pescara
May 6th - Undisclosed Prison
May 7th - Undisclosed Prison
May 8th - Florence
May 9th - Florence
May 11- Pisa

Hope to see all my Italian friends (mafia and non mafia) in Italy.

Tommy

I'm Popular in Argentina

I'm not sure what this really is. It's a link to a spanish website and from what I can figure out, its about a time I got drunk on New Years Eve and danced with an ugly woman with toilet paper on her face. I'll have to ask someone who speaks Argentianian to get a full translation

http://www.cunacultura.com.ar/notas/navidad2.php

Tommy is now Virus Free

Hello my Tommyholics it has been awhile since I last blogged as my computer had a virus. A word of advice, do not download any foot fetish videos from Lou Spector. He's a great legal advisor (he's responsible for getting my pardon from Bush) but his film business gives foot fetish videos a bad name. I recommend Footbread Kenny videos as they are always virus free (I can't say the same about his bread though).

As I have said on my weekly appearance on the What The? Morning show, The World "Booze" Tommy was a huge success. Yes, I admit there were some problems such as being chased down the street by an angry mob in Edinburgh, Bud losing his organ in Paris and having to play acapello for the last two shows, The Orchestra (featuring A member of ELO) blaming us for their tour bus being stolen in York and Craig causing a toilet to explode in London (The Brits were not prepared for Craig's bowels. The main reason that I call the tour a success is that I was paid for every show and I was not arrested - A TOMMY WORLD TOUR FIRST.

I will be performing regularly in Laughlin this summer and fall so keep checking back regularly for more Tommy updates.

Tune in Friday on the Mighty CFUV to hear my regular radio appearance

On future blogs I will discuss the charity campaigns I am planning including THE TWO BLOCK WALK and LINCOLN CONTINENTALS FOR ENVIRONMENTS.

Keep hope alive

Tommy

Tour Dates Announced

Yes it is official, here are the dates for the World "Booze" Tommy Tour. Join us for our first show in Glasgow as we entertain the dudes who wear kilts, speak the funny english and know how to drink. Sorry North America but no Tommy tour this summer because as Bea Arthur once said "If you don't pay me the munny, you don't get the funny"

Glasgow - ABC Cathouse Rock Club - May 14
Edinburgh - Lulu Bar – May 15 & 16
York - Grand Opera House (opening for O) - May 17
London - Bar Rumba Nightclub – May 21, 23
London (Private show for the International Royal Pioneer Relative Convention) - May 24
Paris- Le Doobies (yes that's the name) - May 27, 28

World "Booze" Tommy - 2009 Tour Annoucement

The number one question that my fans keep asking (okay second most behind, “Hey Tommy where’s your pants?”) is “When are you going to tour next.” Well this spring your dreams will come true because in May I will be touring Europe with THE WORLD “BOOZE” TOMMY – 2009 TOUR (trademark pending)

I will be playing shows in Glasgow, Edinburgh, London, York and Paris. It gives me a chance to break out my British humour. The American audiences aren’t that sophisticated as they don’t appreciate jokes about the royal family, crumpets, bad teeth, warm beer, Margaret Thatcher and Benny Hill like my limy friends do. Are Brits limies or are Australians limies? It doesn’t matter they both speak funny English, worship the Queen and like to get drunk and fight. The dates and ticket information will be available soon.

I'd like to give a big THANKS to all my friends or as they say in French, “Je mange a la discoteque”

Tommy

I like this Bum

I stopped watching the world baseball championship ever since Canada was eliminated but now my interest is rekindled and now I want Korea to win because of my new favourite player – Bum Ho Lee. Come on admit it saying Bum Ho Lee makes you giggle. I give the TV announcers credit because who can say Bum Ho Lee with a straight face. Now I am not a father but don’t they isn’t a book that parents read titled “Baby names you shouldn’t use because they will be made fun of in other languages”. Plus you think when he was coming over here for the tournament someone would have pulled him aside and said, “Hey Bum Ho, you may want to use your middle name or just go by Timmy Ho Lee for this tournament.” That’s what Toe Blake did. Do you think he would be in the Hockey Hall of Fame if he went by his real name of Hector Blake? I don’t think so.

So in honour of my new favourite Bum, I have assembled Tommy’s All Body Part Team. The list is dominated by baseball players.

1. Bum Ho Lee (baseball)
2. Albert Pujols (baseball)
3. Pete Lacock (baseball)
4. Rusty Kuntz (baseball)
5. Dick Trickle (auto racing)
6. Dick Pole (baseball)
7. Harry Colon (football)
8. Jack Glasscock (baseball)
9. Adam Foote (hockey)
10. Jeff Finger (hockey)

More details on my shows in Laughlin and Primm coming up in the next blog. GO KOREA AND GO BUM-HO

Stagger for Sobriety

I love the homeless. There is nothing I find more satisfying than helping the less fortunate and little people in my hometown of Victoria, British Columbia. That is why I am spending many hours organizing my new charity fundraiser to help the homeless - The Stagger for Sobriety. Basically it’s a 5 Kilometer run (that’s 50,000 decimeters) in Victoria, British Columbia to help homeless alcoholics.

I know what you’re thinking, “Tommy a 5KM run? How boring, only nerdlingers and weinerdinkers run.” Well that’s true, but here is the catch, it’s a 5KM run – but each runner will be drunk! Because let's face it, most people don’t know what it’s like to be homeless. They drive their Volvos, drink their Starbucks and pretend to care about the less fortunate by donating their used socks to charity at Christmas. GO TO HELL YOU SWEATER WEARING YUPPIE. I say the only way to help the less fortunate is to experience their hardship and understand the struggle they have.

Forcing people to run 5KM while drunk will make people realize the pain that homeless alcoholics have to deal with on a daily basis. Then and only then can we help them find an alternative to living on the streets.

At the start of the Stagger for Sobriety, we will supply beer and various donated hard alcohol to each runner. They will be required to consume a certain number of drinks before the start of the race and take a Breathalyzer to ensure they meet the "Gordon Campbell" level of drunkeness.

Here’s where it gets fun. At the starting gun, EVERYBODY HAVE TO RUN 5KM. If someone falls down or starts puking, we will gently hit them with a stick or metal pole and make them run the 5KM. There will be no tasers, so Polish Immigrants can feel safe. We will put you through 5 KM of Hell, but if the homeless can do it, you can do it.

All money raised will help fund costs to send homeless alcoholics of Victoria to Costa Rica for treatment.

We are still trying to get permits from the highly paid weasels that work in city hall (I mean weasel in the good way) so hopefully we will have a date soon. So start your training now!

The Stagger for Sobriety is not associated in any way with singer Leroy Stagger. We apologize for any confusion this may have caused.