I like this Bum

I stopped watching the world baseball championship ever since Canada was eliminated but now my interest is rekindled and now I want Korea to win because of my new favourite player – Bum Ho Lee. Come on admit it saying Bum Ho Lee makes you giggle. I give the TV announcers credit because who can say Bum Ho Lee with a straight face. Now I am not a father but don’t they isn’t a book that parents read titled “Baby names you shouldn’t use because they will be made fun of in other languages”. Plus you think when he was coming over here for the tournament someone would have pulled him aside and said, “Hey Bum Ho, you may want to use your middle name or just go by Timmy Ho Lee for this tournament.” That’s what Toe Blake did. Do you think he would be in the Hockey Hall of Fame if he went by his real name of Hector Blake? I don’t think so.

So in honour of my new favourite Bum, I have assembled Tommy’s All Body Part Team. The list is dominated by baseball players.

1. Bum Ho Lee (baseball)
2. Albert Pujols (baseball)
3. Pete Lacock (baseball)
4. Rusty Kuntz (baseball)
5. Dick Trickle (auto racing)
6. Dick Pole (baseball)
7. Harry Colon (football)
8. Jack Glasscock (baseball)
9. Adam Foote (hockey)
10. Jeff Finger (hockey)

More details on my shows in Laughlin and Primm coming up in the next blog. GO KOREA AND GO BUM-HO

Stagger for Sobriety

I love the homeless. There is nothing I find more satisfying than helping the less fortunate and little people in my hometown of Victoria, British Columbia. That is why I am spending many hours organizing my new charity fundraiser to help the homeless - The Stagger for Sobriety. Basically it’s a 5 Kilometer run (that’s 50,000 decimeters) in Victoria, British Columbia to help homeless alcoholics.

I know what you’re thinking, “Tommy a 5KM run? How boring, only nerdlingers and weinerdinkers run.” Well that’s true, but here is the catch, it’s a 5KM run – but each runner will be drunk! Because let's face it, most people don’t know what it’s like to be homeless. They drive their Volvos, drink their Starbucks and pretend to care about the less fortunate by donating their used socks to charity at Christmas. GO TO HELL YOU SWEATER WEARING YUPPIE. I say the only way to help the less fortunate is to experience their hardship and understand the struggle they have.

Forcing people to run 5KM while drunk will make people realize the pain that homeless alcoholics have to deal with on a daily basis. Then and only then can we help them find an alternative to living on the streets.

At the start of the Stagger for Sobriety, we will supply beer and various donated hard alcohol to each runner. They will be required to consume a certain number of drinks before the start of the race and take a Breathalyzer to ensure they meet the "Gordon Campbell" level of drunkeness.

Here’s where it gets fun. At the starting gun, EVERYBODY HAVE TO RUN 5KM. If someone falls down or starts puking, we will gently hit them with a stick or metal pole and make them run the 5KM. There will be no tasers, so Polish Immigrants can feel safe. We will put you through 5 KM of Hell, but if the homeless can do it, you can do it.

All money raised will help fund costs to send homeless alcoholics of Victoria to Costa Rica for treatment.

We are still trying to get permits from the highly paid weasels that work in city hall (I mean weasel in the good way) so hopefully we will have a date soon. So start your training now!

The Stagger for Sobriety is not associated in any way with singer Leroy Stagger. We apologize for any confusion this may have caused.

Tommy is back

Hello fellow Tommyholics and welcome to my NEW blog on blogspot.com. (On a side note doesn’t blogspot sounds like a disguisting type of stain? “The carpet is in great shape except for one blogspot when the dog had diarreah.”)

Life is going great ever since the great George Bush gave me that Presidential Pardon which allowed me to re-enter the United States. I am planning a George Bush tribute show in Nevada in late March. It will be a singing tribute retrospective which will include duets with special guest impersonators of Condeleeeza Rice, Dick "Dick" Cheney and that dude with the beard that was the President of Iraq (sorry I forgot his name but he kind of looks like an old Fidel Castro). We are not going to have an Osama Bin Laden because that would be tasteless. We have confirmed that Laughlin and Primm, Nevada will be sites of the shows with dates to be announced later.

• Check out my old blogs at www.myspace.com/tommycarson